


fire in my head

by ryvrr



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Josh Survives, Angst and No Happy Ending, Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied Relationships, Implied Slash, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 03:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6035766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryvrr/pseuds/ryvrr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the best laid plans mean <i>nothing</i> when wendigos get involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fire in my head

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I haven't written heavy angst with no hurt/comfort in awhile, so here you go. Have some angst. :')

_It wasn’t supposed to be like this_.

It had just been a prank. A way to get back at the people who’d hurt his sisters, a way to make them pay, and a way to reward Sam and Chris. They’d be the _heroes_ , the fucking heroes who got the girl or who won the admiration of their friends. 

Josh had planned this out for _months_ , had poured himself over every detail and little piece of information he’d need. He wanted to make sure that everything was pulled off flawlessly. No detail was too small for his brain to worry and obsess over.

In the beginning of the night everything _had_  gone just like he wanted. They got the Ouija board, Sam waved off and gone to take a bath, Josh had led Chris and Ashley on a merry little chase for clues. Perfect. Just the way Josh had hoped. 

He _hadn’t_  expected Chris to choose him with the saw trick. That had been one part of the plan Josh hadn’t even considered might happen. Josh had wailed and begged for his life, and Chris had _listened_. Chris had pulled the lever to save Josh-- he’d been watching, he was sure of that much-- and it had been _horrible_  to hear Chris cry for Josh.

Because Chris had _chose_  Josh. Even over the girl he liked-- he liked her, right? Josh had been so sure, but now his brain wasn’t positive-- he’d still made the conscious decision to save _Josh_ , of all people.

But Josh had persevered! He’d continued with the prank and he’d led his best friend and the girl of his dreams through the rest of the prank flawlessly. They’d done exactly as he’d figured. Chris had even shot himself over Ashley, had chosen to save his relationship-- and Ashley didn’t have to know, didn’t _need_  to know, about how Chris had chosen _him_ , first, had wanted to save _Josh_  over her.

When Josh had revealed his prank, he _hadn’t_ counted on Sam and Mike showing up together. Sam had escaped him-- fled and hid somewhere Josh couldn’t find, gotten out of his influence-- and Josh had banished Mike earlier to the guest cabin with Jess. Mike rambled on-- Jess was dead? when had that happened? Josh hadn’t done that-- and words were exchanged. Mike was so _angry_ , an impassioned force of nature that would take his vengeance.

In the end it was Chris and Mike who would take Josh out of the house and tie him up somewhere else. Just to be careful. Just to keep an eye on him. More words were exchanged, and Josh-- Josh was so _angry_ , at his prank, at his friends, at _Chris_. Chris hadn’t done what Josh had wanted fully. He had chosen Josh over Ashley, had chosen his best friend over the girl of his fucking _dreams_.

Josh mocked him and Chris ignored it. Chris was angry, sure, but he’d still protected Josh. He’d hit the gun out of Mike’s hand instead of letting him wave it around in Josh’s face. Chris had looked at him with disappointment, but not unforgiving hate. He’d looked at him and he’d known Josh was off his meds, that something wasn’t right, and Josh knew something wasn’t right-- everything was wrong, _wrong wrong wrong_ \--

Chris left him alone with Mike, because Mike promised not to do anything. Mike didn’t do anything. He ignored Josh, let Josh ramble, looked out and across the snow covered grounds and been off in his own head.

Yelling. Emily. Josh could recognize the voice.

Mike ditched him and ran back to the cabin. Josh wondered-- for an instant-- if something was wrong. Jess was dead. Mike had said that. How had Jess died? Josh was certain he’d remember if he’d been the one to do it--

He wasn’t _that_  far gone yet--

A noise from outside. A crunch and a hiss, and Josh--

He’s seeing things. That has to be it. There was some creature staring at him and he wiggled from where he’d been tied, wiggled and made distressed noises. “Don’t come near me!” he yelled at it. “Stay away! Don’t come near me! It wasn’t me!”

He went in and out of consciousness then. Dark. It was so _dark_. He was in the caves, he was where Beth and Hannah had been probably. He was alone, all alone, no one was there with him. Then Hannah and Beth were with him, but that was _worse_. They were dead and rotting and they reached out putrid hands for him--

Another space of time where Josh is unaware of what’s happening.

Then Mike and Sam are there. Mike hits him, snaps him out of his own terror. “Don’t hit me,” Josh begged. Mike held his hands up. 

And _Chris_  was there. Chris, who looked dirty and hurt and worse for wear, but he was there. “I’ll take him,” Chris said. “I came here to make sure he was alright.” They said something about how they had to get back to Emily and Ashley, how they had to regroup.

Chris held his arm tight, pressed in against his side. Josh liked that. Chris felt _solid_  and _real_ and Josh liked that, he did. He wanted Chris to never leave. “Stay with me, bro,” Josh mumbled. Chris wrapped an arm around him.

“Always,” he promised and Josh believed him.  


Josh _believed_  him. Always.

But then the wendigo reared up out of the water and Josh didn’t believe it. “You’re not real!” he yelled and Chris gripped his arm so tight-- _tight, tight enough to bruise, tight enough to hurt_ \-- and Josh realized this _was_  real. Chris could see it too. Chris looked frightened. 

“Josh, _go_ ,” Chris yelled and he shoved, hard. Josh staggered out of range and the wendigo lashed out. Josh _screamed_ , but Mike was there. Mike dragged him behind a rock and covered his mouth and hissed _don’t move_  and Josh--  


Nothing made _sense_  anymore. 

Josh didn’t move. He listened as the movement faded. “Come on,” Mike said and Josh allowed himself to be dragged away.

“Cochise--” Josh began to say, because where was Chris? What had happened to Chris? That thing-- it hadn’t been real, so where was Chris. No, it had been real. It _had_. They had seen it too.  


Chris--

“Later,” Mike told him gruffly and kept pulling. They left the caves. They made it back to the cabin. Josh lost a lot of time, but he did as he was told. He didn’t move until they ordered him to. He got out of the cabin. He watched as it went up in flames.  


“Chris--” Ashley began to say when the chopper could be heard overhead. “Where’s Chris--”  


Dead.

Mike said the word.

Dead.

Chris was _dead_.

Josh stared unseeing at the flames and wondered if they’d stop him, if he stepped into the fire and let it lick his skin. If he let himself be torn away from the land of the living, if he joined Chris--

“Josh!” Sam said and she pulled at his arm. He’d taken a step towards the cabin. “Josh, you need help--”  


He needed _Chris_.

And now here he was. They’d let him out of the hospital for one day. Chris’ funeral. They’d never found the body, but they still wanted to lay him to rest. Josh stayed quiet and in the back. Sam stuck next to him like glue, kept a hand on his arm, whispered comfortingly when Josh quaked. 

Gone. Chris was gone. Forever.

Chris was never coming back.

“It’s our turn to say goodbye,” Sam murmured and pulled him forward. Josh trailed along with her, because what else could he do? It was the last time he could see Chris-- but he wouldn’t see him, his body wasn’t in the casket, they’d never recovered it--  


“I won’t say goodbye,” Josh mumbled as he stared at the coffin. “See you later, Cochise.”  


Later.

He’d see Chris later.

In his dreams, maybe, but also later, much later, when he’d join him--

Flames and darkness and terror and--

The last taste of his first love.

 _It wasn’t supposed to be like this_.


End file.
